THE EMO DIET

Author's note: Huzzah! It's finally here! The ultimate diet! Say... have you ever thought you were gaining a bit too much weight? That you were 'jolly' while being a 'fatty'? And then ultimately wanted to kill yourself for it? Well, close enough! 'Cause it's here! The Emo Diet! Here you go!

You need:

• Black/dark themed clothing,
• Something/someone to hate (preferably to bits)
• Lots of angry/sad music
• Ear-/headphones and a music player
• Dark curtains

You must:

• Hate the world
• Listen to the music too loudly
• Sleep in as much as possible
• Keep darkness close to you
• Dislike everything outside your room
• Be disgusted with yourself
• Barely eat anything

Now, you're probably skeptic  - especially about the last thing there, but don't worry - we'll get to how to make it all easier!

How?

• By sleeping in, you'll most likely skip one or two meals!
• Always keep yourself busy during lunch hours with doing depressing things such as: ranting, hating yourself, listening to the music and hating yourself more!
• Quickly eat half a plate of dinner, so you can go back to what you did before
• IMPORTANT: When hunger grows hurtful - it will, sadly - just hurry and distract yourself from it! It will definitely pass.

So now that you've learned how to perform the Emo Diet, what are you still doing here? Get out there and make the world just a bit shittier!

Extra tips:

• Many of the users of this particular diet are very big fans of using sharp items to slowly slash open their skin. Perhaps it could help you, as well!
• The music will surely be easy to find, but may I just suggest Nirvana. The lead singer DID commit suicide, you know!
• The internet can also help, many people, there, will surely go along with bashing at you - without even having been asked!