Porn Songs

Sometimes, when someone I know are all like: "Shiiiit, bro, you gotta listen to this shit, iz sou geewwwdd," I find that, after having heard the song, I blurt out the comment: "Bro, sounds like a porn song."
They always get offended.
What they don't see, is that it isn't a bad thing. Not at all, actually.
You see, I find a big difference between porn songs and porn music.
Porn music is that shit they play in the background of those cheesy porn films - as if to add a bad touch to an even worse plot. Not to mention the saxophone, that seems to be a necessity in crap like that. I don't know why, though. Perhaps some people find that sort of thing smexy. Or something.
What I do know, though, is what porn songs are. Porn songs are that kind of songs that makes you so god fucking euphoric. That kind of songs you listen to as loudly as your ears can take. The kind of songs that takes your breath away so fucking hard, that all you can do is sit back or lie down and close your eyes in this fucking beautiful ecstasy, that somehow courses from your ears to your brain to your whole, numbed body, holy fucking shit. And the end you're left with this odd feeling, no matter how you want to describe it, there is no fucking way you can get this shit to not making you want to fumble yourself, god damn.
Shit, I'm already moist.

Broken Heart and Broken Bones

Sometimes I secretly want to go back to being my old self. Back to hating. Back to cutting. Back to the only place where I could feel comfortable and secure - and be by myself at the same time. I mean... People are always like: "Nooo, Emmaaa, it's baaad, so baaad, like, the worst of bad habits, seriouslyyy," (and then take another drag on their cancerstick), but just... just hear it from my side, the side of this one, neurotic cunt with the same issues as a puppy:

You sit on your bed in your room.

You randomly glance at the clock, barely noticing the numbers on it.

Now you've already forgotten what it said, but think it was probably around 4AM.

Which would mean it's about an hour ago you finally got your mother, drunk as FUCK, to go to bed.

You sigh as your sister took your dog to her bed, so you can't even find any comfort in cuddling up with him.

Suddenly, your heart beats a bit faster as, out of nowhere, your brain decides to remember things you've done up until now, embarrassing things that make you squirm in the mental pain it causes you.

You decide the only way to clear them off is by counterattacking it; hurting yourself.

As you are a bit beat, you don't have the powers for bashing your own head against the wall. Or pulling on your own hair. So you decide to cut.

First thing you do is finding a blade. You don't have any obtainable razors, so when this happens, you gotta improvise. You find a small pair of scissors. Somehow they seem sharp enough.

Next you grab your headphones, thinking about all the people having asked you: "Why do you use those? Why not just some earphones?" And you always returning with: "Because I don't just hear music - I listen to it."

You unlock your iPod and put the complete list of all your Nirvana songs on shuffle.

You pull up your trouser leg.

You get ready to slashing your own leg - having very long time ago decided to only cut your legs, as you don't want anybody to know of your nasty, disgusting secret, feeling that everyone will call you an attention whore and wannabe.

You then feel sorta guilty for thinking that people will even care enough about you to do so.

You start thinking about why anyone would ever care about a helpless, sickening fucker like you in the first place.

By now you notice blood slowly starting to trickle down your leg.

You realise you forgot to get something to wipe it off with.

You look around your room and take one of the nearby, randomly discarded clothings on the floor - making sure it's black so it won't have any visible blood stains.

You dab the cut gently before once again putting the blade to your leg.

You slowly start having an almost euphoric feeling, simply by being in the midst of Kurt Cobain's beautiful lyrics and the knowledge of what you're doing as of now.

When you feel you have 'revenged' on yourself enough, you hide the scissors, grab your pillow and slowly crawl back to bed, hissing at the cold air hitting your wounds.

As you lie in a fetal position, tugging on your fresh wounds, you fall asleep in a stage between sadness and pleasantry.

You wake up the next morning, stretching.

You make a minor flinch at the sudden sting you feel.

You smile to yourself in the knowledge, that until these wounds have healed up, you will feel only physical pain - not mental. That these marks, for that long, will be your secret symbol of having repented, at least a little, for earlier mistakes.

You brush a hand over your wounds, thinking about how to get out of P.E. this week.

THE EMO DIET

Author's note: Huzzah! It's finally here! The ultimate diet! Say... have you ever thought you were gaining a bit too much weight? That you were 'jolly' while being a 'fatty'? And then ultimately wanted to kill yourself for it? Well, close enough! 'Cause it's here! The Emo Diet! Here you go!

You need:

• Black/dark themed clothing,
• Something/someone to hate (preferably to bits)
• Lots of angry/sad music
• Ear-/headphones and a music player
• Dark curtains

You must:

• Hate the world
• Listen to the music too loudly
• Sleep in as much as possible
• Keep darkness close to you
• Dislike everything outside your room
• Be disgusted with yourself
• Barely eat anything

Now, you're probably skeptic  - especially about the last thing there, but don't worry - we'll get to how to make it all easier!

How?

• By sleeping in, you'll most likely skip one or two meals!
• Always keep yourself busy during lunch hours with doing depressing things such as: ranting, hating yourself, listening to the music and hating yourself more!
• Quickly eat half a plate of dinner, so you can go back to what you did before
• IMPORTANT: When hunger grows hurtful - it will, sadly - just hurry and distract yourself from it! It will definitely pass.

So now that you've learned how to perform the Emo Diet, what are you still doing here? Get out there and make the world just a bit shittier!

Extra tips:

• Many of the users of this particular diet are very big fans of using sharp items to slowly slash open their skin. Perhaps it could help you, as well!
• The music will surely be easy to find, but may I just suggest Nirvana. The lead singer DID commit suicide, you know!
• The internet can also help, many people, there, will surely go along with bashing at you - without even having been asked!